Banana or Viagra or Pink Hair
by From Spark to Flame
Summary: /"I’m going to offer extra credit to anyone who can come meet me in this classroom after dinner. I need help planning out a prank to play on my husband.”/Professor Hermione Malfoy is offering extra credit for a prank? What is going on! established DMHG


Disclaimer: The Harry Potter series is not mine, but rather, JKR's.

A/N: Okay background info: Hermione and Draco are married and both of them work at Hogwarts as teachers. Hermione teaches Arithmacy (sp?) and Draco teachers Muggle Studies (-snigger- I couldn't help it…I thought it would be funny if he was stuck with that job. Let's just assume that Dumbles made him do it, like how Dumbles made Snape not get DADA.).

Please excuse any typos because 1) this is unbetad and 2) I fell down earlier today and my fingers have cuts on them. My right hand burns in pain right now as I type.

Play:

Havoc ensued at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Girls traveled in tight packs, jumping up at every little sound. Their heads were together and their mouths moving a thousand miles a minute. Boys were yelling and laughing at the top of their lungs. Portraits were spreading gossip and ghosts were watching in wonder. Dumbledore watched it all through his twinkling eyes, his expression being one of amusement. Professor Draco Malfoy swept through the hallways, his tail flaring behind him and a look of pure frustration on his face. His wife traveled at his side, giggling madly, quite like a schoolgirl. What happened? April Fool's Day.

---

Rewind to the Previous Day:

"I'm confiscating it," Hermione announced grabbing the Weasley's Wizarding Weezes product that she summoned as it zoomed to her hand.

"Aww! Come on Professor Malfoy! Give it back!" the two 7th Years who had been smuggling it to each other under their desks groaned, causing Hermione to roll her eyes. Several other students snickered.

She walked behind her desk and stowed the product away. She glanced at what it was. 'Hair Away: turn someone bald for a week with just a flick of your wand.' Oh no…Fred and George needed to lay off with the creative ideas for a while. They were too successful for anyone's own good, especially now that April Fools Day was approaching.

Hermione wrinkled her brow as she closed her drawer. What day was it anyway? "Is this for April Fool's Day?" she asked curiously.

The class's heads snapped up to look at their teacher in mixtures of horror and shock for two things. 1) She didn't know that April Fool's Day was tomorrow and 2) she asked a non-school related question. What was it? The apocalypse?

Hermione just raised an eyebrow at her student's faces. "Is something wrong? Cat got your tongue?" The faces just stared back at her, wide eyed and open mouthed.

A girl hesitantly raised her hand, looking around in confusion. Hermione nodded her head at her, "Yes, Ms. Parker?"

"Umm…tomorrow is April Fool's Day. And…are _you_ okay?" the girl stuttered out. Several other students nodded in agreement, triggering laughter from Hermione.

"Yes. Why do you ask that?"

"Because you asked us about something other than the answer to the problem, " a boy yelled out.

"Oh. Well sorry. I won't ask you anything," sarcasm heavily laced Hermione's reply, "And is today really the 31st? Already?" The class gave her a chorus of 'yes's as an answer.

"Wow. Hmm…I didn't realize that. I'm unprepared. Okay. I'm going to offer extra credit to anyone who can come meet me in this classroom after dinner. I need help planning out a prank to play on my husband." Hermione grinned, thinking of the possibilities.

The class looked at their teacher in wonder. What had gotten into their teacher today? Was she polyjuiced? Maybe someone kidnapped her. Or mayb-

"Okay. Now back to our lesson and to make up for the time we lost, read pages 274-329 and give me an essay on it. 2 feet minimum." Never mind. She was fine.

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Fast Forward to after Dinner:

"What if you tell she tells him she's lesbo!"

"Hey! Don't use that turn! It's offensive!"

"What if she tells him that she's in love with Professor Potter?"

"No! He's gay!"

"Or Professor Zabini!"

"No you didiot! He's the one Professor Potter is gay with!"

"What about you turn his hair pink?"

"Or purple."

"Or what about yellow?'

"Or highlighter pink?"

"Yeah highlighter pink burns!"

"What's a highlighter?"

"Hmm. Speaking of yellow. What about a banana suit?"

"Oh that's awesome!"

"Or both! Hair and bannanasuit!"

"No. Bananas have those brown stem thingies on top."

"Oh yeah!"

"Hmmm."

"What if you pick a different fruit?"

"Oh! I got one! Tell him she's preggers!"

"Preggers? WTF Use proper language."

"Says the one who just said 'WTF'"

"Shut up!"

"Why don't you?!"

"Why don't both of you?"

"Hmm…What if she gets him a bottle of Viagra?"

"OMG Hot mental image."

"OKAY EVERYONE CALM DOWN AND RELAX! AND I DON'T WANT ANYONE ENVISIONING MY HUSBAND NAKED!" Hermione yelled out, interrupting the chaotic racket that her students were making. Some suggestions were funny and creative, but some were obviously no good, like the last one.

"But he's hot," a young girl commented. Hermione sent her a glare, quickly shutting her up.

"Okay. Now we are going to suggest everything in an orderly fashion. You guys say eveyrhting and I'll write them on the board. Then we will cross out which ones we don't want and debate over which would be best. Okay. Now go."

The class began their discussion again.

----

Fast Forward to the Next Morning:

"HERMIONE! WHAT DID YOU DO TO ALL MY CLOTHS? AND WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS?" Draco yelled out as he opened his huge walk in closet, only to be met with emptiness. A monkey suit hung on a a ahnger in the toward the back.

Hermione snickered as she saw her husband. He stood there in the doorway, a towel wrapped around his hips and water dripping down his lean muscles. His hair, though he hadn't noticed it yet, was a bright highlighter yellow color. Putting hair dye in the shampoo worked.

Oh. He noticed the monkey costume. Hermione played dumb, "What's wrong?"

"This is what's wrong!" Draco announced, moving out of the way, revealing an empty closet.

"Oh. That. I sent your cloths out for washing," Hermione gave a shrug as if it was no big deal, inwardly holding in her laughter at Draco's angered expression.

"All of them?"

"Yup. Have fun with the monkey suit. Oh yeah. You might want to try and fix your hair," Hermione turned around and left the room, her shoulders shaking with silent laughter.

"HERMIONE! You did this didn't you?"

"Of course I did. Happy anniversary Dray," she cooed as she closed the door behind her.

----

Fast Forward all the Way:

Havoc ensued at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Girls traveled in tight packs, jumping up at every little sound. Their heads were together and their mouths moving a thousand miles a minute. Boys were yelling and laughing at the top of their lungs. Portraits were spreading gossip and ghosts were watching in wonder. Dumbledore watched it all through his twinkling eyes, his expression being one of amusement. Professor Draco Malfoy swept through the hallways, his tail flaring behind him and a look of pure frustration on his face. His wife traveled at his side, giggling madly, quite like a schoolgirl. What happened? April Fool's Day.

A/N: Haha. What do you think? This was a quickie that I wrote…My hand still burns though. Okay, who likes the Viagra part?!!!! Hehe. I couldn't stop laughing when I wrote it.

Okay…I know this is a bit late for an April Fools Day fic, but I was busy… It's not too late is it? Oh well. Dudes…Do you know how hard it is to think of a good prank? Even when I asked people for suggestions, they gave me ideas that would either make Hermione or Draco sad or outraged or mad or emo or suicidal or…well then again, not everything were not great ideas…some were funny. I included the ideas in the fic…they were in the part where the kids were shooting out ideas…. I'll shut up now. Hehe

Review please and if you're totally bored, check out my other fics…or the little contest on my profile (you could win a oneshot).

XOXO

Flame


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